Friday, September 11, 2009

Light through the trees

I know that may seem a strange title, but hopefully it will make sense. I thought I would take a moment for reflection today on my 49th birthday. (Edited to add: I realized after I posted that I started this post on the 11th, but am just now finishing it on the 14th.) As I approach half a century of life, reflection seems most appropriate. There have been so many changes in my life especially in the last year. I lost my father, became a grandmother, had a daughter move halfway across the country again, lost a job by the hospital closing, found a new job, had 2 pets die, left one church and began attending at a new one, struggled with hardships on our farm so that we have considered selling the farm and moving if we could even find a buyer, and other struggles, emotional, and otherwise that I won't go into. I don't say all this in a bid for sympathy. In fact, I have pondered not even saying it, but decided to attempt the post.

For the last several months, these circumstances have put me in a frame of mind where I feel like I am just keeping my head above water. That there is no moment of freedom or rest from the struggles of life. In actuality, I guess, life is just like this sometimes. Life comes with no guarantee. Indeed there have been moments of great happiness mingled in with the sad. Right after my Dad died is when Emily found out she was expecting Thomas who was born the month after Woodland closed. Of course, I have given myself the "keep your chin up" speech and then the ones about having much for which to be grateful and there being a reason that things happen the way they do. I do know that there is a Master Plan but it is just being human, I guess, to have times that you feel overwhelmed.

Have you ever been swimming out in water over your head? You can stop and tread water, but still you get tired. Then you find that you have reached a depth that if you find the right spots with your feet you can rest a bit and get the strength to move on toward more shallow water. That's where I feel I am now. Seeing the light through the trees. Feeling the hope for better days. Getting ready for the rest of the journey that is my life.


Kim's Treasures said...

We have had a very similar couple of years! I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! It's just a flicker but I hope it grows and grows for us and for you!

Happy Birthday!!!

Beth said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I knew it was month but not sure what date! I am bad about keeping up with important dates. This was a great post, Jilly. And you know I can totally relate with what you posted. We just have to keep looking at that light and keep swimming through this life. And keep hoping it will get a little easier and less worries.
Hope you have a wonderful day!

Holly said...

Happy (Late) Birthday on here too!I think I have wished you happy birthday in most of the ways I know it has been a hard year on you, but I admire you strength and perserverance to carry on. I look up to you a lot :) I am glad that there is some light through the trees. I love the pic by the way...very appropriate. I can definitely relate to feeling like you are treading deep water. This whole move and job search (along with all the other changes) has left me feeling tired as well. I feel like I can see the light through the trees as well...finally. Love you very much!


vintage moon studio said...

It really does get better, Jill. The past two years have been much the same, for me. A lot of loss that at times has brought me to my knees. Gradually the sharp edges soften and life begins again.
I haven't forgotten my idea to re-open Magpie and will be sure to let you know when/if it happens!
Happy birthday a little late:)
Sending love - Deb

Jeanie said...

First of all, belated happy birthday. I'm behind in reading.

This post is so beautiful -- thoughtful and eloquent and very hopeful. You have had more than your share of challenges this year. When you look at those "stress lists," you are probably on the high end of the scale. I can't tell you enough how much I admire you, your carrying on in such a positive way, and rising to the occasion through a good deal of challenge.

I know how much you miss Holly, how happy you are to have Thomas, and have felt deeply for you through your losses; that's a lot to carry. I also know you bring to the table grace and strength, and those things will help you through.

I feel honored to "know" you, Jill. Happy "New" Year.

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