Friday, September 11, 2009
Light through the trees
I know that may seem a strange title, but hopefully it will make sense. I thought I would take a moment for reflection today on my 49th birthday. (Edited to add: I realized after I posted that I started this post on the 11th, but am just now finishing it on the 14th.) As I approach half a century of life, reflection seems most appropriate. There have been so many changes in my life especially in the last year. I lost my father, became a grandmother, had a daughter move halfway across the country again, lost a job by the hospital closing, found a new job, had 2 pets die, left one church and began attending at a new one, struggled with hardships on our farm so that we have considered selling the farm and moving if we could even find a buyer, and other struggles, emotional, and otherwise that I won't go into. I don't say all this in a bid for sympathy. In fact, I have pondered not even saying it, but decided to attempt the post.
For the last several months, these circumstances have put me in a frame of mind where I feel like I am just keeping my head above water. That there is no moment of freedom or rest from the struggles of life. In actuality, I guess, life is just like this sometimes. Life comes with no guarantee. Indeed there have been moments of great happiness mingled in with the sad. Right after my Dad died is when Emily found out she was expecting Thomas who was born the month after Woodland closed. Of course, I have given myself the "keep your chin up" speech and then the ones about having much for which to be grateful and there being a reason that things happen the way they do. I do know that there is a Master Plan but it is just being human, I guess, to have times that you feel overwhelmed.
Have you ever been swimming out in water over your head? You can stop and tread water, but still you get tired. Then you find that you have reached a depth that if you find the right spots with your feet you can rest a bit and get the strength to move on toward more shallow water. That's where I feel I am now. Seeing the light through the trees. Feeling the hope for better days. Getting ready for the rest of the journey that is my life.